I haven't written about this part of Time On so much, but I broke up with my long time (4 years) girlfriend in November.
I'm sitting in a hostel in Tokyo alone, and it seems like a good time to reflect on relationships. I had a wonderful time with my two friends from Canada over the past two weeks (mostly skiing, and some party time in Tokyo), and I'm just now settling into a bit of solo / rest time.
Skiing and hanging out with these guys was the best, but I was definitely getting worn down from the nonstop action, and I suspect I'll be pretty tired for the next little while as I recover. With friends around, its so much easier not to think about all this alone time, but here I find myself, so onwards and upwards. 
Ok, back to the break up. I don't feel like delving into that whole section of my life, but suffice it to say I loved her very much but we just weren't meant for each other beyond the wonderful time we got to share together.
This means that part of my "Time On" is being single again. Its such a weird experience as a 30 yr old, when my friends are quickly getting married (or having kids) to re-explore single life. 
In the best way, being Single means its easier for me to say "Yes" to new experiences without restriction. Without any responsibility to anyone but myself, I can be a bit more whoever I want to be at any given time and place. 
And so far, on a positive, little relationships I've had along the way really do add excitement, purpose, and fun to each of those days. A little tension and buildup is titillating. And because I'd been in a relationship so long, those kinda experiences will probably be interesting to me again for the foreseeable future.
On a negative note, I felt as though sometimes the little relationships do not really have a net positive contribution to my life. Or, I'm having trouble understanding if they did. I dedicate time, I discover its not really appealing to me beyond the initial infatuation (which can be hyper short), and then as in lots of traveling, time ends and we part ways.
I'm a pretty sensitive and reasonably self aware person, and it doesn't take me that long to realize if I'm not on the same wavelength with another person. Realistically, its ok if I don't walk away with the most positive feeling each time. I could say that petite relationships should always help me gather more data on what I want and don't want, and more comfort and confidence in that aspect of my life.
I think though that part of what was tricky about these littles relationships was how little control I have. I'm used to having control over so many aspects of my life. I'm sure its part of why I love "substantial" relationships - I've been able to rely on certain elements - I know the person cares about me and has my best interests in mind. In short stints, I don't get that, I don't get a guaranteed chance to let my guard down, I don't get support, comfort, control.
It feels really unsatisfying. 
On the hand side, I continue to love the Japanese expression that is at the title of this post which roughly translates into "The sense upon first meeting a person that the two of you are going to fall in love"
I'll leave this post with a long quote from Woody Allen's Crimes and Misdemeanors which I watched last night
It is a strange paradox. When we fall in love, we are seeking to refind all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted on us. It contains in it the contradiction… and attempt to return to the past… and the attempt to undo the past. We need to remember that when we are born, we need a good deal of love to persuade us to stay in life.
We are the sum total of our choices. Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly… human happiness does not seem to have been included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that gives meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying, and even to find joy from simple things like their family, their work and from the hope that future generations might understand more.
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